Without You
by Princess of the Pearl
Summary: Tormented by dreams of Jack following his death, Elizabeth finds herself unable to sleep, again. She thinks about all the things she would say to him if he were there, and all the thing she will say when they find him. SPARRABETH.


**WITHOUT YOU**

**SUMMARY: **Tormented by dreams of Jack following his death, Elizabeth finds herself unable to sleep, again. She thinks about all the things she would say to him if he were there, and all the thing she _will_ say when they find him. SPARRABETH.

**A/N: **Here I am, writing another songfic. I used to not like them all that much, but I keep finding myself inspired by songs that I hear, thinking "that would be perfect for how so-and-so might feel." And the feedback I got from the last one was so wonderful and sweet, I thought I'd try my hand at another. So this one is inspired by Sarah McLachlan's "I Love You" from her Surfacing CD. I changed the title for my story, thinking the one I used just fit it a little better. Well, enjoy! And please review… :)

**DISCLAIMER: **None of the characters are mine, sadly. Song isn't mine either.

* * *

_There he was, in all his beautiful glory. And he was smiling at her. She didn't know where she was, where they were, but it was beautiful. Fields of soft, tall, green grass surrounded them, separated by a narrow dirt road. It overlooked the sea, glistening and glittering in the sunlight. And he was there, smiling at her. _

_She smiled back, letting out a bout of giddy laughter. She started to run towards him and he opened his arms, catching her in them when she reached him. He planted his hands on her hips and swung her off her feet as she covered his face in kisses, saving the best for last. Their lips met and she threw her arms around his neck, her fingers intertwining with his hair. When he set her down and they pulled apart, she looked up at him, beaming at him. He grinned back, his smile glinting gold. _

_**I have a smile**_

_**Stretched from ear to ear**_

_**To see you walking down the road**_

_She traced his jawline with her fingers before cupping his face in her hands. She kissed him again and buried her face in her neck, breathing him in, breathing in his scent. In all of her twenty-two years of life she could not recall a moment in which she had been this happy. Standing here in his embrace was the happiest she'd ever been. It made her feel warm inside and a part of her wished she could stay there in his arms forever. But the other part of her, the rational, level-headed part, screamed a series of questions that had to be answered. _

_The sun was high above them, its light beaming down on them, making both of them hot. But it didn't matter, she didn't care. She was there, with him. That notion alone made everything else feel insignificant, unimportant._

_**We meet at the lights**_

_**I stare for awhile**_

_**The world around us dissapears**_

"_How did we get here?" she asked, staring up at him. "How did you survive?"_

"_Trivial matters, luv," he answered. "S'not important."_

"_Alright," she nodded her head, believing in him, trusting him completely. "But where is everyone?"_

"_They're not here, darlin'. Just you 'an me." She smiled, unable to resist those tempting lips as he bent his head down towards hers. They were lost, spinning in a haze of soft strokes and kisses. She wanted him, now more than she ever had, and she didn't want to wait a moment longer to have him. "It's just us…" she heard him whisper when she began placing hot, open-mouthed kisses on his neck._

_**Just you and me**_

_**On this island of hope**_

_**A breath between us could be miles**_

"_Oh, Jack, I've missed you so much…" she said breathily, feeling his lips on her collarbone. _

"_Come away with me, Lizzie," he asked suddenly. His voice was soft and calm, his eyes pleading with her. "Come away with me an' let me always take care of you."_

"_Jack, I…" _

"_Anythin' he can give you, I can give you," he told her, his hands still on her hips. "I promise to be there always. If you want to get married, we will. I'll do anythin' for you, Lizzie. I swear you can count on me."_

_**Let me surround you**_

_**My sea to your shore**_

_**Let me be the calm you seek**_

_She looked up. The sky had grown dark and cloudy. The very first raindrops were starting to fall, far apart from each other, but falling nonetheless. It was becoming foggy. The beautiful day that had surrounded them was disappearing._

"_Elizabeth," he said, his voice firm and unyielding, recapturing her attention. "I love you."_

_I. Love. You. With those three little words, her entire world was changed. God, how she'd waited to hear those words! She opened her mouth to speak, but her own words would not come out. _

"_Elizabeth?" he said questioningly, as if concerned she hadn't heard him. "I love you."_

_She opened her mouth again. Nothing. She just couldn't say it. She felt it, Lord how she felt it, all the way down to her toes. She loved him with every single inch of her being. But she couldn't say it. She just couldn't say it. Whether it was physical or emotional, she didn't know, but the words would not come out. _

_**And every time**_

_**I'm close to you**_

_**There's too much I can't say**_

_**And you just walk away**_

_The expression on his face dropped, the joy in his eyes faded. He released her hips and took a step back._

"_Jack, I…" Finally, she was able to speak. But it was too late._

"_No." He said, his face as hard as the tone in his voice. "You had your chance."_

"_Jack, please—"_

"_I loved you, Lizzie," he replied. His skin had grown pale. The rain was beginning to really fall now, harder and harder by the minute. "I loved you with my dying breath. An' I know you love me back. But if you can't say it…" He looked away, then back at her, unable to see the tears that rolled down her cheeks through the rain. "If you can't say it, it's just not good enough." He turned and began to walk away._

"_Jack!" she cried, running after him. The fog enveloped him and he disappeared. He was gone. She whirled around, looking frantically now. "Jack, please don't go! Please don't leave me!"_

_**And I forgot**_

_**To tell you I love you**_

_**And the night's too long and cold here…**_

…_**without you**_

Elizabeth shot straight up in bed, beads of sweat trickling down her forehead and her stomach cramping. She grabbed the pillow that lay beside her and buried her face in it, muffling the sobs that poured out of her. It had only been a few weeks since he'd died. Since she killed him and left him alone, standing there. She couldn't get the look on his face when he realized what was going on out of her head. The guilt was tearing her up inside, eating away at her. She was truly miserable without him.

Why,_ oh why_, did she say she wasn't sorry?? She would always be sorry. Not for the kiss, or how good it felt to be that close to him, the way she didn't even dare to dream of being with him. But for everything else… for not chaining herself to the mast and going down with him, for not promising right then and there that she would do anything, die trying, to find him and bring him back. For not telling him that she loved him.

_**I grieve in my condition**_

_**For I cannot find the words to say**_

_**I need you so**_

She'd broken things off with Will before a whole day had even passed. He hadn't been angry or mean as he had every right to be. Just sad. Hurt. That made it even worse. He said he'd seen the kiss and knew then and there that it was over. He had agreed to come on the journey to world's end to bring Jack home, but she knew after that, it would be the end of their relationship, friendly or otherwise. She loved Will, always had. But she was _in love _with Jack, and emotion she could no longer run from, no matter who it hurt in the end.

And what would Jack say? Would he ever forgive her? Did he love her back? He didn't have to, and she couldn't blame him if he didn't. As much as it would pain her, she could never hold it against him if he turned around and walked away, just as he had in her dreams.

_**And every time I'm close to you**_

_**There's too much I can't say**_

_**And you just walk away**_

She had to get out. She needed air.

She grabbed a light blanket off the end of the bed and tossed it around her shoulders, quietly slipping out of her cabin and onto the ship's deck. The night air was cold and chilly, biting at her skin.

She would find him. She'd die if they didn't. And when she did, she would tell him everything. All of her sorrow and her grief, how deeply and ardently she loved him and how she was willing to give everything up just for a chance at forgiveness. She shivered as a cool breeze swept over her. She imagined what if felt like… what it felt like to be in his arms, as in her dream. The whole world seemed cold without him.

"Oh Jack, where are you?" she whispered, to no one but herself. She closed her eyes and held back the fresh onslaught of tears that were threatening to fall. She clenched her teeth as well as her jaw and stood upright. "Hold on," she said, looking out at the waves as they lapped against the side of the ship. "I'm coming for you, Jack." She closed her eyes again, remembering how good it felt to be with him. And suddenly, she felt better, stronger. Warmer.

_**And I forgot**_

_**To tell you I love you**_

_**And the night's too long and cold here…**_

…_**without you**_


End file.
